The obligatory New Years post

It doesn't feel like December 31st to me.  I made it home yesterday from KC, and so I am still trying to adjust to being home.  To me it feels like a regular Saturday.  I have no plans for the holiday.  I can't remember the last time I actually did something on this day.  Probably 6 or 7 years ago.  I am lucky now if I make it to midnight.  I am making junk food for dinner, and maybe I will watch a movie tonight after Hannah goes to bed.  That is the extent of my celebrating.  2011 was a pretty good year for me and my family.  I am excited to see what 2012 has in store for me.

Christmas wrap up

I have been in Kansas City for about 5 days, and it has been a great visit.  I didn't realize how exhausting it would be to chase a toddler around houses that are not toddler proofed.  Hannah hasn't been sleeping well, and I am not sure if it is due to her cold or trying to sleep in a new place.  Poor girl is not having luck with the Christmas holiday.  Last year she was almost 7 months old, and she was cutting her first tooth.  This year she has a cold or allergies.

The 17 hour drive went pretty well.  We stopped for the night in Memphis.  It was my first time actually seeing Memphis.  I have driven past it a few times, but never stopped.  We ate at a restaurant that was on Man Vs Food.  They had a chocolate chip cookie cooked in a skillet that was so good.  I wanted to lick the skillet it was so good.  Luckily, I did show some restraint.

It has been great to see all my family and friends.  It had been 6 months since I had seen anyone.  Only a few days left, and I still need to eat some barbecue.  I will share some pictures once I get home.  I hope everyone had a terrific Christmas as well!

Pinterest and Christmas

I joined Pinterest. I am not crafty, but I am enjoying finding recipes.  I love food.  I have found a few craft projects, but I doubt I will do them.  I always say I will do them, and then I don't.  I usually just buy it online somewhere (lazy I know.)  

I leave in 3 days for KC, and I have not started anything I need to do for the trip.  It is so unlike me.  I feel a bit unmotivated lately to do anything.  I have treats to make, but I want to wait until right before I leave so they are fresh.  I still need to find all our heavy coats (darn cold weather!), and pack clothes.  Thankfully, we have decided to break the trip up like we did on the way here. We were going to leave early evening and drive it in one day.  So far it seems like we will have sunny weather for the two days.  I can't believe it is time to head back.  I haven't seen anybody in over 6 months.  It will be nice to see friends and family again.

32

Yesterday I turned 32.  It feels like time is flying by.  My life is definitely not what I imagined it would be at this age.  However, that isn't a bad thing.  I had a pretty good day.  The husband got up with Hannah at 5:30 so I could sleep.  I slept until almost 7.  It was awesome!  He also made breakfast for me.  We went to a Christmas party on the base.  Hannah ran around on bubble wrap, and met Santa.  She said hell no to Santa.  We took the dogs to Petsmart to do some Christmas shopping, and later that night we went out for dinner.  I think I fell asleep before 10, but I told myself it was okay since it was my birthday.  All in all, a pretty good birthday.  Although, the next birthday can take its sweet time getting here.

Baby fever

I have baby fever.  And it is bad.  I long to hold a little newborn in my arms again.  I am not sure why. I am tired all the time since my child doesn't sleep.  Another kid that doesn't sleep would probably send me over the edge.  Also, this time I wouldn't have as much help since the husband is training.  When I was pregnant, I knew I could easily have a second or even third (of course I was still naive to how hard it is to raise a child.)  Then during labor and after, I swore I would never have another kid.  Never.  Shortly after that,  I went back to thinking a second would be fun.  You can see the pattern.  However, lately the discussion has been there about another child.  I think the answer is yes, but it all depends on the timing.  The Navy likes to make things difficult when it comes to planning a future.  Luckily, I know a few people having babies soon so maybe I can get my newborn fix until I can have my own. 

Gone too soon

Seven years ago today, my dear friend's mother passed away.  This woman was also a close friend to my mother.  This day is just as hard on me as the anniversary of my own mother.  She was like a second mom to me growing up. When she passed away, I was so consumed with grieving for my own mother I don't think I ever properly grieved for her.  I read my friend's facebook status today, and how tough the day is on her.  I found myself thinking about it today, and I started crying.  There I was crying in the shower.  That was my secret crying place after my mom died, and I was once again using it again today.  I understand that it is everyone faces death.  It is our fate as humans.  I get it.  However, it pisses me off that these women were taken too soon.  They were still young.  They still had children to raise.  (Okay we were both in our mid 20s, but we still needed our moms.)  I look at Hannah and feel such sadness for her because she will never know her Nana.  My mom loved having grandbabies.  I know she would love playing with Hannah.  I try to show Hannah pictures of my mom, and tell her all the stories I can, but I know it isn't the same.  I never took the time to ask questions about recipes or at what age I did stuff.  I figured I could ask when I got married and had kids.  I was wrong.  I wish I had asked back then.  Luckily, my dad remembers some of the milestones.   I am going to make a point to share all I can with Hannah just in case I don't make it to 100 like I planned.

Moms

All those with it, together moms please help me.  How do you do it?  You know, the ones that can wear the cute outfit while keeping it clean plus have their hair done.  The ones that can tackle a million projects at once and never break a sweat.  I feel like the complete opposite.  I wear sweats and t-shirts all day.  (In all fairness, I was that way before I had kids).  It seems like just cleaning the house takes me all day and it never really is completed.  I feel like the mom who just barely gets by during the day.  I volunteer to make meals for moms with newborns.  I was trying to cook the meal today while the husband was at work.  It took me forever!  Hannah was all over the place.  The dogs got into a fight.  I was exhausted by the time I finished.  It takes me a month to read a magazine.  It seems like by the time I get Hannah to bed I am so tired I want to go right to sleep.  I wish I was more like the together mom instead of the frazzled mom.  I was looking at taking a few classes online to work toward my second degree.  I have no clue if I could handle it.  Before I had a kid, I figured I could totally handle a toddler and whatever life threw at me during the day.  Now I find myself wanting to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes so I can have some alone time.  My goal is to become a more together mom.  I am just not sure where to start.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Another Thanksgiving is behind me.  This is the first time in my 31 years that I did not join my family in Missouri for Thanksgiving.  Honestly, I was pretty sad that I was going to miss out on this holiday with my entire family.  This has always been on my favorites.  I did get a chance to talk to a lot of them today which is nice.  I guess it is something I should get used to since I won't be near family until the husband leaves the Navy.

Since this was our first Thanksgiving on our own, we decided to go casual.  I made a turkey/stuffing casserole, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes for Hannah.  Pretty simple.  I trimmed the tree with all its ornaments.  I also hung Christmas lights on the deck.  My house is now ready for Christmas.  Hannah may have received her Christmas present today as well.  We decided to get a play kitchen for her.  I bought it last night to beat the Black Friday crowd, and we couldn't wait until Christmas for her to play with it.  She loves it so far!  I have a small gift she can open here plus whatever family members give her. 

The husband baking a cheesecake for the first time

The cheesecake.  It was delicious!

 

Even the dogs had a Thanksgiving feast

We went fancy casual.  TV trays with placemats and cloth napkins.

That's right Iceman, I am dangerous

Friday, the husband's squadron had a Taxi Day.  This allowed family members to don the flight gear and taxi the training plane down a runway.  It felt really weird wearing a flight suit and trying to figure out the helmet.

They give you a quick summary about how to get into the plane and what you should not touch.  Then you head outside and wait to climb into the plane.  I was pretty excited for my turn.  I remember staring at all the instruments and buttons wondering how in the world pilots remember what each one does.

The instructor gave me a little lesson how to control the plane and off we went!  I was able to follow the yellow line and turn fairly well.  It was a bit scary since there were other planes around and I was supposed to avoid them.  We did a quick lap around the runway and that was it.

As you can see, I thought it was a lot of fun, but I will leave the flying to my husband.

Mommy guilt

I thought that Hannah was ready to move from the crib to a toddler bed.  Yesterday, the railing was removed and we have an instant toddler bed.  She had a blast climbing on and off the bed.  She couldn't believe how much fun it could be to do that.  It all changed at bedtime. Most nights, bedtime isn't a chore. She will cry or fuss for a few minutes, but usually go right to sleep.  Last night she was screaming and hitting the door.  She flipped out.  She slept on the floor.  Same thing with her nap today.  I was hoping tonight would be better with a baby gate in the doorway instead of a closed door. Nope!  She started throwing things over the gate.  We tried closing the door again, but she was banging on it and frankly it scared the piss out of me.  So the railing is now back on the crib.  She only cried for a few minutes and is sound asleep.  The only highlight of last night is she did sleep through the night (well until 5:30 which is her new wake up time thanks to the end of daylight savings time.)  I feel awful about the whole process.  I don't know if I should have tried for a few more nights to see if she would adjust.  Maybe she wasn't ready, and it is good she is in the crib again.  I hate not knowing.

Airshow!

To celebrate Veteran's Day, we decided to go to the airshow.  It was the Blue Angels Homecoming show.  I hadn't been to an airshow in years.  While I think planes are okay, I am definitely not fascinated with them like my husband.  I feel bad that I don't share his enthusiasm, but I did my best to pay attention to the planes he would like to fly in his career.  It was a gorgeous day, and Hannah was on her best behavior so we were able to stay longer than we originally thought.  Hannah is definitely her father's daughter.  She loved it!  She couldn't get over all the planes flying overhead. Since we live almost an hour from the base, and we had to pick up the dogs by 5 from doggie daycare, we decided we better leave before the Blue Angels performed.  I was a bit bummed, but hopefully I can catch them next year. 

I look so happy to be checking out the plane

Hannah and I in a helicopter.  Hannah has her hand on the trigger ready to fire.

She had to stop to watch the planes fly over her.  She is an aviation fan.

I feel human again!

I have been struck down with the cold everyone seems to be passing around.  Hannah woke up last Monday with a cough, passed it on to both of us.  I was the last to get it on Friday.  I can breathe through my  nose most of the time now, and my ears only hurt slightly.  I am thinking by tomorrow I should be feeling fine.  Yesterday I was so out of it, I spent most of it in the recliner watching Food Network.  After watching a mini-marathon of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, I want to hit the road and eat at all those places.  I think it would be fun to buy a motor home and take off.  Eat at all the fun, funky places tucked away in cities.  I feel bad that I haven't tried some the local places here yet.  I have a ton of them on my "must eat here" list, but I haven't crossed any off yet.  I still have a few more months here so I guess I better get started. 

On Saturday, I decided to make a new dessert while I was still felt decent enough to do it.  My husband is a huge fan of smores so I thought he would enjoy this one.  I found it on someone's blog, and now I can't remember who linked it.  I do apologize for not having proper linking credit.  Here is the original source of the recipe.  I am not sure what I did, but mine did not turn out exactly like hers.  They are still pretty tasty.  They were a bit more labor intensive than I thought they would be.  I didn't realize how sticky the dough would be so my approach to placing the dough on the graham crackers was all wrong. 

Before baking

Right out of the oven

After cooling and cutting

Velcro Child

Today has been a long one that tested my patience.  Everyone is sick.  We all have a cold/sinus thing and it sucks.  The husband can't fly so he will probably have watch a lot the next week which means I am on my own.  Hannah is teething and fighting this cold.  She has been cranky, and will not let me out of her sight.  Out of desperation, I tried out the ol' carrier that I hadn't used in over 6 months.  She was happy for about a minute and then she wanted out.  I was glad because my back was already hurting.  24 pounds is a lot to carry on your back!  She went to bed without a fight so I hope she sleeps through the night. 

I accomplished nothing today.  I managed to cook dinner and a few loads of laundry.  Between fighting Hannah off of me and trying to rest with the cold, I couldn't find the energy to do all my household stuff.  I wish I had a little robot helper that could sweep the floors for me while I try to figure out why my child is hitting me and crying.  That would make life just a little bit easier.   This hitting me and throwing cups at me is a phase, right?  Or do I have the mean child?

Halloween was almost a bust

Hannah woke up with a cough and stuffed up nose this morning.  I was worried that trick or treating was out of the question for tonight.  Luckily, she seemed to be in a descent mood so I took her around the neighborhood for a bit.  She had a blast!  She can't say trick or treat, but she did say, "Wow! and Whoa!" when she saw the decorations. 

This is Hannah last year

 

 

 

This is Hannah this year

She knew exactly where she wanted to go

This is how she started her day...at the park

Yes, I am wearing skull pajama pants and Mickey pirate ears.

I would call this year a success.  She didn't get a lot of candy which means I won't be eating a ton of candy.  We have no candy left also.  I have never experienced a Halloween where I ran out of candy.  This subdivision is awesome!  It consists of only 3 streets, but I think people bring their kids here.  The streets were packed.  I loved it!  Plus all the neighbors were sitting on their driveway waiting for kids.  Some were even dressed up.  This is opposite of what I have experienced the last 20 or so years.  I am sad that we, more than likely, won't be living here next year.

Shutterfly

Yes, I am addicted.  I spend most of my free time on the site working on projects.  I have finished a few Christmas gifts as well as a photo book of Hannah's first year.  Now I am working on some of the vacations from the past.  I am not artsy at all, but this site brings out the artsy part of me.  It at least gives me an idea of how to lay out the page.  I could stay up all night working on this stuff...except I really value my sleep so I force myself to go to bed.

I realized though with all the computer switching, and OS switching, I have lost some pictures.  Wedding, honeymoon, and the vacation after the deployment are all gone.  I have no clue where they are stored.  I hope they are on some hard drive that I haven't checked. 

Cats and Holes

Last night I settled into bed hoping for a full night's sleep...or at least what passes for one around here with a toddler who wakes up several times a night.  It is close to 10, and the dogs are outside pacing and doing their hunting thing.  I decided to check on them which is when I find that they are in my neighbor's yard instead of mine.  I immediately woke the husband and off we went to try to get them out of the yard.  I felt bad trying to break into my neighbor's yard, but I wanted my dogs back.  Unfortunately, he must lock his gates because they would not open.  The dogs also wouldn't go back through the hole they dug.  They did find a hole in the neighbor's fenceline.  I was trying to help pull them out when I stepped away for a minute to try the gate one more time.  As I am heading back to the other side of the house to try the hole again I see Rowdy running down the street, and Pepper is right behind her.  They made it through on their own.  I start crying because now all I can picture is them being hit by a car on the highway or getting lost in the woods and a gator eats them.  (By the way, I have never seen an alligator near my house.)  The husband takes off to look for them, and I stay at the house.  I was not about to leave our yard with Hannah asleep in the house.  Pepper finally tired, and allowed herself to be captured.  Rowdy, not so much.  Rowdy loves the chase game.  She will let you get within just a few inches and off she goes!  She is finally caught and returned home with only a few near misses with the highway.  It was 11 before everyone was back in the house.  The dogs on probation now.  If I see them even start to paw at the fence they are inside. I have only done that once today.  For the most part they are staring at the fence or lounging in the sun.  I blame this one cat that has decided to torment the dogs.  It comes in our yard at night.  They cornered it the other night before they were pulled inside.  Then they had it cornered in a tree.  I think it was in the neighbor's yard last night which is why they went under the fence. 

This is what angers me about the situation.  I do the best I can to keep my dogs in the yard.  They are large dogs who can jump, but they like to dig instead.  We block every hole we can find to keep the dogs in.  When we walk the dogs we are responsible pet owners and pick up the poop.  I do my best to keep them from barking all day long.  Why do cats get to run around so freely?  They seem to be causing more problems than my dogs.  They poop in yards, they start fights, and they drive all the neighborhood dogs crazy.  I have never understood why cats can be out while dogs have to be locked in yards and leashed on walks.  One cat even came into my garage and peed all over our stuff.  I guess there may be a trip to a home improvement store to purchase some cinder blocks soon.

Fair time!

We decided to check out the fair this weekend.  I was a bit disappointed since I am used to my Missouri State Fair, but Hannah liked looking around.  If she were a few years older, she would have loved it.  There was a petting zoo which she wasn't too sure about. 

Not sure yet

Really not digging it

She did want to kiss the pumpkin

Daddy daughter time

I never had an opinion about leashes on kids until I had a kid.  Yesterday I wish I had one of those animal backpacks with the tail that is a leash.  Hannah had no desire to ride in the stroller after the petting zoo, and all she did was screech and scream until she could walk.  The only problem is she doesn't want to hold your hand.  Again more screaming until she is free.  I don't mind if she walks, but I want her to be safe.  I am guessing this is a phase...right?

Some pictures

Here are a few pictures of Hannah.

She discovered her pocket a few weeks ago

Future aviator

The oven is hot, but she knows how to solve that problem

She likes to put her alphabet magnets in the utensil holder for the dishwasher

The Elmo slippers 

TV or no TV?

I was reading a blog written by a 20 something college student who has no children.  I found it humorous and rude when she started talking about bad parenting.  It relates to this article about children under the age of 2 watching television.  I know every parent has heard that they shouldn't let their child watch, but some do.  I am one of them.  I don't feel great about it, and she doesn't watch it all day.  She watches Sesame Street, but only when Elmo is on.  When other characters are on she will play with her toys until she hears Elmo.  Do I use it as a distraction so I can cook dinner some nights?  Yes, I do.  I am not proud of it, but Hannah likes to grab me and it makes it hard to work around the stove and oven.  I figure 10 minutes of Elmo is better for her than being burned.  (Which she has learned the oven is hot and she will put on the oven mitts and then try to touch the oven.  I have a picture of it which I will post another day.  It is pretty cute.)

This woman was talking about how she doesn't own a tv so she will never have to worry about her kids watching it.  She went on to say how it doesn't help them developmentally and it really isn't that hard to set your child with some toys so you can go off to get work done.  She basically said any parent who uses tv was a terrible parent.  I did take offense to it.  My child is really good at playing by herself.  However, I can't guarantee that she will play by herself when I need her to. I try to take advantage of those times to clean or do whatever I need to do, but it seems like when dinner time rolls around she wants to be next to me.  My child is also stubborn.  If she wants to be in the kitchen with me, she will find a way to do it.  I am not sure if she is saying that it is possible to plop a kid down with its toys and they will play for the length of time you need to get something done, or if you have to sit there and find just the right toy before you have some free time.  Something about what she said really struck a nerve with me.  Maybe I am a bad parent. Hannah has watched tv, but she is still pretty smart.  Developmentally, she is on track for 16 months.  I guess I didn't like being judged by someone who has never been a parent.

If you are happy and you know it...

That is what people heard me sing today as I tried to silence Hannah's screeching while grocery shopping.  I pulled out all the songs I could think of while trying to find everything as fast as possible.  Thank goodness everyone in there didn't seem too annoyed by her.  This screeching stage is really irritating.  It is one of those high pitched, piercing screams that makes your ears bleed.  I ended up only buying half my list because I wanted to get the hell out of there.  I think from now on she will stay at home while I shop.  It just seems easier. 

Milestones

This post is more for me so I can remember Hannah's milestones at this point in her life, but feel free to read if you would like to know what she is up to.

16 months old:
Her vocabulary now-mama, daddy, Rowdy, Elmo, Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, duck, dog, yeah, no, pretty, hot, hungry, shoes, ball, hi, bye, go, bang, Jay (as in Jayhawk), boat, boot, done, more


She will blow on food if it is hot, go to the refrigerator door when hungry, she will respond with "I go" if she wants to go outside or for a walk, if she wants to wear a dress she will say "pretty", she will say "here you go" when handing something to another person.

Fail

As I was scrolling through Facebook, I noticed a friend of mine was announcing it was her wedding anniversary.  I had a moment of panic when I realized that once again I forgot my wedding anniversary.  She and I were married on the same day.  I know that October 10th is the day I got married, but I didn't realize that today was the 10th.  I knew it was Monday, and Columbus Day, but totally didn't think about the date.  So that makes it the second year in a row that I forgot it.  I have only been married for 2 years.  I am not off to a good start.  Once I realized what day it was, I did go wish the husband a happy anniversary.  Luckily, he too didn't realize today was the 10th.  Maybe next year we will both remember before three o'clock in the afternoon. 

Things I miss...

I realized there are things I miss about Salina/Kansas City (besides friends and family).

1. The leaves changing color.  I have seen some yellow here, but nothing like in the midwest.

2. Big 12 football.  I have to sit in my car to listen to the football games on satellite radio.

3. Braum's.  That's right. Braum's.  I have been craving a chocolate M&M mix from there for the last month.  Nothing seems to satisfy the craving.

4. Real barbecue.  I am a Kansas City girl. I miss my KC barbecue.

I know for certain in a few months I will be glad I am here when the bitter cold and wind set in.  Add to that the snow and ice, and I will definitely be happy I am here.  I will gladly take the chilly weather here any day over wind chills in the below zero category and 8 inches of snow falling.

Halloween and cookies

I love Halloween.  Most years I go all Griswold on the house, but I didn't this year.  I still don't have bookcases, shelves, or a coffee table to set anything. I do have a counter that is useful this year.  I am afraid to put too much out because Hannah will find it.  I am really bummed though because I have no hooks to hang the outside lights.  I have figured out how to do it, but I need to buy the necessary items for it.  It doesn't feel like Halloween to me if I don't have orange lights hanging on my house.  I did find some old rope lights that are on my deck which is fun. 

I have been craving cookies so I had to make some today.  I found chocolate and peanut butter chips so I decided to try them. 

Here is the bag:

It is French, didn't you know?

Anyway, here is the finished product:

They are pretty tasty.  I think I have eaten more today than I should have, but I will try not to think about that.

I should probably head to bed.  I am flying solo tonight, and Hannah was not pleased about bedtime.  I have a feeling it will be a night she only wants to sleep on me. 

Sister Wives

I will admit I watch Sister Wives.  I can't stop watching it.  The show fascinates me.  I don't know how much of it is real considering reality tv doesn't seem to be very real anymore.  However, the idea behind the show intrigues me.  I honestly don't think polygamy should be illegal.  I understand the outrage behind when you have people like Warren Jeffs taking 12 year old girls and turning them into wives and abusing them both sexually and physically.  It is sad to say that happens outside of the Jeffs' Zion ranch though.  I think in the case of the Browns they are over 18 and the kids don't appear to be abused.  Now for the real reason I write this.  I think I understand why they choose plural marriage.  There is no way I could share my husband like they do.  That is not for me.  He is my husband and no one else's.  However, I get the community type feel they have to their family.  They function as four separate families, and as one entity.  There have been many days where I wish I could have gone downstairs to find another adult and kids to hang out with.  I know what you are thinking though, "That's what friends are for."  Which is true except for my situation it is has been tough to find some nearby.  My family only has 1 car which makes it tough sometimes for Hannah and I to get out of the house.  Some people are extremely lucky to be very good friends with neighbors.  I am not one of those people.  I would love it if I could live in a huge house with my close friends and their families.  We each have our own house inside of a very large house.  I can have my own space when I need it, or I can easily go hang out with someone when I feel like I am about to pull my hair out and I need a break.  Who knows?  Maybe it wouldn't really work because you would still be close to get a break from each other.  I think what it boils down to is I miss my friends and family.  I wish they were closer right now.

Pictures

I wanted to share a few pictures of Hannah.  I think she is one of the cutest little girls around, but I am biased.  :)

Here she is at the beach:

Here is one pretending to be her dad:

We were supposed to see his training plane today, but since it was lightning we couldn't go to the flight line.  Hopefully, Hannah and I will get a chance to sit in the plane soon.  When we do, I will share some of those pictures.  Hannah loves planes just like her daddy!

A woman's role?

I am a person who likes to have my time.  Time to myself to relax and unwind.  I need a few minutes away from everyone to do what I want to do.  I do not need to be surrounded by people at all times.  I know some people like to be around others all day, but for me it doesn't work.  I have found since becoming a wife and mother that I seem to lose that alone time I once had as a single person.  I know I get time to myself (for example this very moment I am the only awake in the house and it is not even 9pm).  It feels like though that I am always giving, giving, giving.  I wake up and take care of the dogs.  Then I feed Hannah and take care of her.  Then it is on to my morning chores around the house.  Take care of Hannah and the dogs during the day.  Husband comes home, I cook dinner and some nights help him study.  He leaves again to study and I take care of Hannah and dogs.  I get Hannah to bed, husband comes home.  He then wants to talk to me, and watch some tv with me.  I do feel like I have lost my "me" time.  I know I just need to be better at time management or something.  Or stop feeling guilty for sitting around.  I feel guilty for sitting right now.  I feel like I should be cleaning up the playroom and dusting.  Am I the only one that feels this way?

In very different, but light hearted news, I finally bought new shoes for Hannah.  Poor girl was wearing shoes that were 2 sizes too small.  I had no clue her feet had grown that much!  Around the house she never wears shoes, but she needed tennis shoes for fall.  I felt so bad when I realized she needed size 6 instead of 5 like I thought.  She likes her new purple, sparkle shoes, and I found a pair of Elmo slippers that she loves.  Elmo makes everything better. 

Don't you hate it when you forget?

I had something I wanted to write about today, and now I can't remember. I have found this to be the norm since becoming a mom.  If I don't write it down, I probably won't remember. 

Today is a good day.  Finally I am starting to feel happy about living here.  I went to the beach over the weekend. Hannah loves the water, and she was chasing seagulls all over the beach.  She thought they were ducks.  She thinks all birds are ducks.  I have found some fall activities, and they look great!  I didn't have a ton of opportunities in KS like I do here.  There are so many fun things to do here with Hannah.  Maybe it is because this year she is a toddler instead of an infant and would actually enjoy stuff unlike last year.  All she did was hang out in her costume and drool.  This year though, I think she will have a bit more fun. I know she won't really get it until next year, but I think she will have some fun. Now I have to decide on her costume.  I am ready for fall.  The only bummer about living here during the fall is lack of Big 12 college football.  It is a small price to pay. 

The waves are angry

Today the family went to Pensacola Beach to check out the incoming storm.  Having lived in landlocked midwest all my life, I have never seen any kind of tropical storm in my life.  I really wanted to see what the sea would look like, and I was impressed.  I know this sounds weird, but I would love to see the waves with a hurricane approaching.  I don't want the destruction of a hurricane, but I would like to see what it does to the water.  I kept taking pictures because I was so mesmerized.  I also saw my first jellyfish ever.  I have seen tornadoes, blizzards, ice storms, and even a tiny dust storm.  I am starting to feel like a Floridian.  I want to go back during the weekend to see how large the waves are then which makes me feel like a tourist.  I can't help it.  This stuff fascinates me.  I know that the storms cause massive problems and damage which is horrible, but I guess the scientist in me loves to see it develop and watch it move.  I like to look outside when the tornado sirens go off to see the rotation.  What can I say?  I am a science nerd. 

The love/hate relationship with tile floors

I am so excited.  It is the last day for E to drive down to Pensacola which means we will have an extra $400-500 a month.  Buying gas twice a week was really messing up my budget.  Maybe now those student loan payments won't look so scary.

Today is my normal sweep and mop the floor day.  (I feel kind of sad that I have the days scheduled like that.)  I really have no desire to do it though.  I hate sweeping and mopping the floors. Tile is nice with the dogs and kid. Muddy paws?  No problem, it comes right off the floor.  Kid spills food on the floor, and no stains.  However, I find they are a pain to clean.  I rather run the vacuum and be finished.  Also, the tile scares me since it is so hard. Hannah is into climbing and I am afraid she will fall off something.  She is fast too. I go to wipe her tray off at the sink and she is already climbing on a box.  In the one minute it takes me to clean the tray, she has already climbed on something.  Luckily, she doesn't try to get down yet.  She just stands and yells until I help her.  She did try to climb into the bathtub yesterday.  The next few months are going to be fun.

I guess I have stalled all I can.  It is time to clean the floors.  The exciting life of a stay at home mom!

Parenting

Like most parents, I wonder if I am doing all the right things for my child.  Yesterday, I wondered if I let her watch too much television.  I have heard and read all the debates and research on television for young children.  In the morning I do turn on the tv so she can watch Mickey and Elmo which is usually when I can get some stuff done around the house.  I feel bad for using the tv as a babysitter.  She doesn't really watch it though.  Some days she will wave and say hi to Mickey or Elmo, and then she will go off to play (or help me with the housework.)  Some days she will stare at the tv like it was the best thing she has ever seen.  I guess it all depends on if there is music.  During the day I will turn on the tv and have adult shows on for background noise.  It makes me feel like I have some sort of adult interaction during the day.  When adult shows are on she ignores the tv, unless there is music.  I don't know...I guess I feel guilty for using it as a distraction to do my morning chores.  I try finishing some before she wakes up, but some are too loud.  Emptying the dishwasher quietly is not my specialty that is for sure.  I guess guilt is one of the joys of being a mom...

Money

Money is never a fun subject.  I thought the family was doing okay with the bills until I heard the news about repaying student loans.  They are going to put a dent in our budget.  I decided to look for a job, but the ones in my field either don't pay enough to make it worth taking the job or they are too far away.  I guess I will have to start looking outside my field or find a way to cut stuff out.  I am doing what I can with groceries, but I know I can do better.  I haven't checked into daycare costs around here, but I am afraid to find out.  Oh well, I guess I am literally paying for my younger days of not caring about the future.

Hannah

Tomorrow Hannah will be 14 months old.  I can't believe how quickly time passes with a child.  It feels like she was just born and I was holding a newborn in my hands.  Now she is walking and talking.  In the last month she has picked up new words.  Shoes, Rowdy, Pepper are some new ones.  Her favorites are still ball, Mickey, Elmo, and daddy.  If she is hungry she will look at some food and say "mmm" to let us know she wants it.  If you tell her it is bath time she takes off down the hall while pulling up her shirt.  She can sort of say bath as well.  Same with a diaper change.  She will walk to her room to have her diaper changed.  If you tell her it is time to brush her teeth, she will start to brush them with her finger.  It is pretty cute.  She is also starting to point out things in books.  I asked her to point to the duck in a book and she did.  I then asked her to point to the duck's shoes, and she bent down to point to my shoes.  She is growing up so fast.  It feels like it is almost time to enroll her in school.

I still go back and forth about having a second child.  On the good days, it seems like the best idea in the world.  On Hannah's cranky and stubborn days, I can't imagine doing this all over again.  I have to remember the good outweighs the bad.

7 years

7 years ago today I lost my mom.  It is hard to believe it has been so long.  Life feels normal without her here, but it still feels like yesterday that I said goodbye.  I am sad that she will never know Hannah, and Hannah won't get to know her.  She loved her grandchildren, and I wish she had the opportunity to love this one as well. 

School

I think at the age of 31, I have finally decided what I would like to do with the rest of my life career wise.  I have my degree, but I could never pinpoint what I wanted to do in the field.  Of course I figure it out at the worst time.  To complete the degree I will need probably 2-3 years.  It may be a few years before I am living in a place long enough to complete it.  There is also no guarantee that the place I live will have a college with the degree.   There is one here, but I am afraid to start it if I don't know if I can finish it.  I guess I could start and just stay here to finish it if I have not completed it before E finishes his training.  There is also Hannah.  I am the primary care giver right now.  The degree requires clinicals.  I would have to find someone to watch her at possibly odd hours.  I am torn.  I do think it would be something I would enjoy, and the career is in such demand right now that I am pretty sure I could find a job wherever I end up living over the next 20 years.  However I chose to stay home right now so I wouldn't miss Hannah growing up.  Decisions decisions...

Age is Just a Number

I have been in Florida for about 3 weeks now.  It still doesn't feel like home.  I am learning my way around which does help.  I feel less like a tourist not needing the GPS so much.  I have met a few people as well.  They are very lovely women.  However, I realized that I am old.  I am older than most of the other spouses here.  The ones who are close to my age don't have children yet.  I do feel like an outsider.  I am the old one with a kid.  At least that is how I feel.  I want to get to know people and have a social life, but it is a bit more difficult when I am the only one with a child.  I know that it really doesn't make a difference, and it is all in my head.  I am sure in time I will make some friends and get out of the house once in a while.  It also doesn't help that I can be so reserved and quiet when I first meet people.  I think sometimes that does hinder friendships when I can't learn to relax.  I am working on it.  I stepped outside my comfort zone today and went to a meeting.  I had Hannah with me so I didn't get to interact much.  I had to make sure she wasn't tearing the room apart.  It is hard to carry on a conversation when you are chasing a child everywhere. 

Settling In

I have been in Florida for 3 weeks now, and it still doesn't feel like home yet.  I haven't been out much except to run errands so I guess I only have myself to blame.  Most of the boxes are unpacked which is nice.  I am trying to finish a few projects I wanted to finish before I moved.  Hannah does not make it easy.  She has decided that waking up around 5:30 is great which means no free time for me.  I am lucky if she naps for 45 minutes on her own.  It does get frustrating, but I hope it is just a phase.  She is still waking up a few times a night.  I miss the days when she slept for 12 straight hours. 

The area is pretty nice.  Some parts of it do remind me of central Kansas.  There is a country feel to it so it is not complete culture shock.  I live out in the country so it is a 15 to 20 minute drive into the neighboring towns to run errands which is different than before.  It was a 5 minute drive to get where I needed to be.  Now it takes a little longer and it feels like everything is so far away.  In reality it isn't.  I know when I lived in KC, I drove 30 minutes to visit people and didn't think anything of it.  Now I have to drive for 15 minutes to get to the store and I think it takes forever.  I guess I became "small town".  Eventually I will make it around the area to see some of the sights.  At least the dogs are enjoying the new place.  They spend most of the morning outside.  This yard has trees and they love that.  Shade plus squirrels make them very  happy.  I think the plan is to take them to a dog beach one day.  

I have not taken one picture since I have arrived.  I will take some soon and post them here.  Hannah already has a tan line even with SPF 50 sunscreen slathered on her.  I think she likes the pool.  It took her a few minutes to warm up to it.  She didn't like the Gulf, but she did like the sand.  She started digging in it and then eating it.  Next time I will have to take her bucket and shovel so she can play.