Friday, October 25, 2013
I recently made the decision to wean from pumping for Meeghan. I have been exclusively pumping for her since she was born. She is 10 days away from turning 11 months old. It has been a long 11 months of hooking up to a pump. Those first few months I was pumping every 2.5 to 3 hours to match her feeding schedule. I was getting very little sleep between pumping and then feeding. I was a complete bitch due to sleep deprivation. I feel bad that I wasn't the best mom to Hannah at the time. Thankfully every one was understanding. Today I dropped to 2 pumps a day. Until a month ago I was pumping every 6 hours. I hope to be completely finished by the time she is one. I am taking it slow so I don't get clogs. I have been lucky and only had 1 clog in the past, but I make sure to drop a pump slowly so my body can adjust. It will be weird not dragging all my pumping stuff with me if we are going out for the day. I became a pro at hooking up to the pump while in the car or public place. I have had to pump in public restrooms, and I will be glad that I won't have to do that again. Good things have come from my sleep sucking pumping months. I privately donated to two mothers while in Texas. I also donated to the Milk Bank of Austin to feed premature babies. In total I donated between 1400 and 1500 ounces of milk. When we moved, I had around 2500 ounces in my freezer (which survived the move). I have enough to feed Meeghan until she is one and a few months after that. That makes it worth it. I do feel guilty though. I don't know why I feel such extreme guilt over stopping, but I do. Meeghan will have milk for a few more months. Part of it is knowing how much she loves her bottle of milk. She makes the sign for milk to let me know she is ready for a bottle. She gives me the biggest grin when I hand the bottle to her. She loves her milk! I gave that to her. It makes me feel good to know how much she loves it even if she isn't getting it directly from the tap. Deep down, I know I am ready and I am making the right decision. A month ago I almost cried when I thought about stopping. Now the majority of the time I am giddy when I think about stopping...that is until Meeghan makes the milk sign and gives me her squishy-face grin. Mom Guilt is such a vicious, evil cycle.