A woman's role?

I am a person who likes to have my time.  Time to myself to relax and unwind.  I need a few minutes away from everyone to do what I want to do.  I do not need to be surrounded by people at all times.  I know some people like to be around others all day, but for me it doesn't work.  I have found since becoming a wife and mother that I seem to lose that alone time I once had as a single person.  I know I get time to myself (for example this very moment I am the only awake in the house and it is not even 9pm).  It feels like though that I am always giving, giving, giving.  I wake up and take care of the dogs.  Then I feed Hannah and take care of her.  Then it is on to my morning chores around the house.  Take care of Hannah and the dogs during the day.  Husband comes home, I cook dinner and some nights help him study.  He leaves again to study and I take care of Hannah and dogs.  I get Hannah to bed, husband comes home.  He then wants to talk to me, and watch some tv with me.  I do feel like I have lost my "me" time.  I know I just need to be better at time management or something.  Or stop feeling guilty for sitting around.  I feel guilty for sitting right now.  I feel like I should be cleaning up the playroom and dusting.  Am I the only one that feels this way?

In very different, but light hearted news, I finally bought new shoes for Hannah.  Poor girl was wearing shoes that were 2 sizes too small.  I had no clue her feet had grown that much!  Around the house she never wears shoes, but she needed tennis shoes for fall.  I felt so bad when I realized she needed size 6 instead of 5 like I thought.  She likes her new purple, sparkle shoes, and I found a pair of Elmo slippers that she loves.  Elmo makes everything better. 

Don't you hate it when you forget?

I had something I wanted to write about today, and now I can't remember. I have found this to be the norm since becoming a mom.  If I don't write it down, I probably won't remember. 

Today is a good day.  Finally I am starting to feel happy about living here.  I went to the beach over the weekend. Hannah loves the water, and she was chasing seagulls all over the beach.  She thought they were ducks.  She thinks all birds are ducks.  I have found some fall activities, and they look great!  I didn't have a ton of opportunities in KS like I do here.  There are so many fun things to do here with Hannah.  Maybe it is because this year she is a toddler instead of an infant and would actually enjoy stuff unlike last year.  All she did was hang out in her costume and drool.  This year though, I think she will have a bit more fun. I know she won't really get it until next year, but I think she will have some fun. Now I have to decide on her costume.  I am ready for fall.  The only bummer about living here during the fall is lack of Big 12 college football.  It is a small price to pay. 

The waves are angry

Today the family went to Pensacola Beach to check out the incoming storm.  Having lived in landlocked midwest all my life, I have never seen any kind of tropical storm in my life.  I really wanted to see what the sea would look like, and I was impressed.  I know this sounds weird, but I would love to see the waves with a hurricane approaching.  I don't want the destruction of a hurricane, but I would like to see what it does to the water.  I kept taking pictures because I was so mesmerized.  I also saw my first jellyfish ever.  I have seen tornadoes, blizzards, ice storms, and even a tiny dust storm.  I am starting to feel like a Floridian.  I want to go back during the weekend to see how large the waves are then which makes me feel like a tourist.  I can't help it.  This stuff fascinates me.  I know that the storms cause massive problems and damage which is horrible, but I guess the scientist in me loves to see it develop and watch it move.  I like to look outside when the tornado sirens go off to see the rotation.  What can I say?  I am a science nerd. 

The love/hate relationship with tile floors

I am so excited.  It is the last day for E to drive down to Pensacola which means we will have an extra $400-500 a month.  Buying gas twice a week was really messing up my budget.  Maybe now those student loan payments won't look so scary.

Today is my normal sweep and mop the floor day.  (I feel kind of sad that I have the days scheduled like that.)  I really have no desire to do it though.  I hate sweeping and mopping the floors. Tile is nice with the dogs and kid. Muddy paws?  No problem, it comes right off the floor.  Kid spills food on the floor, and no stains.  However, I find they are a pain to clean.  I rather run the vacuum and be finished.  Also, the tile scares me since it is so hard. Hannah is into climbing and I am afraid she will fall off something.  She is fast too. I go to wipe her tray off at the sink and she is already climbing on a box.  In the one minute it takes me to clean the tray, she has already climbed on something.  Luckily, she doesn't try to get down yet.  She just stands and yells until I help her.  She did try to climb into the bathtub yesterday.  The next few months are going to be fun.

I guess I have stalled all I can.  It is time to clean the floors.  The exciting life of a stay at home mom!

Parenting

Like most parents, I wonder if I am doing all the right things for my child.  Yesterday, I wondered if I let her watch too much television.  I have heard and read all the debates and research on television for young children.  In the morning I do turn on the tv so she can watch Mickey and Elmo which is usually when I can get some stuff done around the house.  I feel bad for using the tv as a babysitter.  She doesn't really watch it though.  Some days she will wave and say hi to Mickey or Elmo, and then she will go off to play (or help me with the housework.)  Some days she will stare at the tv like it was the best thing she has ever seen.  I guess it all depends on if there is music.  During the day I will turn on the tv and have adult shows on for background noise.  It makes me feel like I have some sort of adult interaction during the day.  When adult shows are on she ignores the tv, unless there is music.  I don't know...I guess I feel guilty for using it as a distraction to do my morning chores.  I try finishing some before she wakes up, but some are too loud.  Emptying the dishwasher quietly is not my specialty that is for sure.  I guess guilt is one of the joys of being a mom...

Money

Money is never a fun subject.  I thought the family was doing okay with the bills until I heard the news about repaying student loans.  They are going to put a dent in our budget.  I decided to look for a job, but the ones in my field either don't pay enough to make it worth taking the job or they are too far away.  I guess I will have to start looking outside my field or find a way to cut stuff out.  I am doing what I can with groceries, but I know I can do better.  I haven't checked into daycare costs around here, but I am afraid to find out.  Oh well, I guess I am literally paying for my younger days of not caring about the future.

Hannah

Tomorrow Hannah will be 14 months old.  I can't believe how quickly time passes with a child.  It feels like she was just born and I was holding a newborn in my hands.  Now she is walking and talking.  In the last month she has picked up new words.  Shoes, Rowdy, Pepper are some new ones.  Her favorites are still ball, Mickey, Elmo, and daddy.  If she is hungry she will look at some food and say "mmm" to let us know she wants it.  If you tell her it is bath time she takes off down the hall while pulling up her shirt.  She can sort of say bath as well.  Same with a diaper change.  She will walk to her room to have her diaper changed.  If you tell her it is time to brush her teeth, she will start to brush them with her finger.  It is pretty cute.  She is also starting to point out things in books.  I asked her to point to the duck in a book and she did.  I then asked her to point to the duck's shoes, and she bent down to point to my shoes.  She is growing up so fast.  It feels like it is almost time to enroll her in school.

I still go back and forth about having a second child.  On the good days, it seems like the best idea in the world.  On Hannah's cranky and stubborn days, I can't imagine doing this all over again.  I have to remember the good outweighs the bad.