Wednesday, August 28, 2013
The husband has been away at training for the last week and a half. It feels a lot longer than a week and a half. This is the first time I have been on my own with both girls for more than 12 hours. Sure he had flights or duty that kept him out of the house most of the day so I managed most of the day on my own. However this is the first time I have been alone day and night. It is draining. I don't remember it being this hard when he went to OCS and I was on my own with Hannah. I still have a few days until he comes home and it feels like an eternity. If this is how I feel after two weeks I don't even want to know what a deployment will feel like. I am so tempted to throw the kids at him and run away for a few hours just to have some me time. I am a person that needs me time. I have not had that at all. Even when I try to go to bed, I have a 3 year old or two dogs (or both) in bed with me. I love my kids, but I need some time where it is just me. Although I am tempted to ask him for a day where he has the kids and I disappear, I feel it wouldn't be fair to him. He has been away at SERE. It stands for survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. Basically he learns how to survive if his plane is shot down or crashes in enemy territory. It is required for all pilots and air crew. It is pretty serious training. They are even captured so they know how to handle the situation. I would feel like a complete bitch for leaving the kids with him after enduring all that. When I am exhausted at the end of the night, I tell myself that even though I have gone several rounds with Hannah, it has to be better than what he is going through and at least I am sleeping in a bed. A 3 year old can't be as bad as guys who torture me for information. Right?