The love/hate relationship with tile floors

I am so excited.  It is the last day for E to drive down to Pensacola which means we will have an extra $400-500 a month.  Buying gas twice a week was really messing up my budget.  Maybe now those student loan payments won't look so scary.

Today is my normal sweep and mop the floor day.  (I feel kind of sad that I have the days scheduled like that.)  I really have no desire to do it though.  I hate sweeping and mopping the floors. Tile is nice with the dogs and kid. Muddy paws?  No problem, it comes right off the floor.  Kid spills food on the floor, and no stains.  However, I find they are a pain to clean.  I rather run the vacuum and be finished.  Also, the tile scares me since it is so hard. Hannah is into climbing and I am afraid she will fall off something.  She is fast too. I go to wipe her tray off at the sink and she is already climbing on a box.  In the one minute it takes me to clean the tray, she has already climbed on something.  Luckily, she doesn't try to get down yet.  She just stands and yells until I help her.  She did try to climb into the bathtub yesterday.  The next few months are going to be fun.

I guess I have stalled all I can.  It is time to clean the floors.  The exciting life of a stay at home mom!

Parenting

Like most parents, I wonder if I am doing all the right things for my child.  Yesterday, I wondered if I let her watch too much television.  I have heard and read all the debates and research on television for young children.  In the morning I do turn on the tv so she can watch Mickey and Elmo which is usually when I can get some stuff done around the house.  I feel bad for using the tv as a babysitter.  She doesn't really watch it though.  Some days she will wave and say hi to Mickey or Elmo, and then she will go off to play (or help me with the housework.)  Some days she will stare at the tv like it was the best thing she has ever seen.  I guess it all depends on if there is music.  During the day I will turn on the tv and have adult shows on for background noise.  It makes me feel like I have some sort of adult interaction during the day.  When adult shows are on she ignores the tv, unless there is music.  I don't know...I guess I feel guilty for using it as a distraction to do my morning chores.  I try finishing some before she wakes up, but some are too loud.  Emptying the dishwasher quietly is not my specialty that is for sure.  I guess guilt is one of the joys of being a mom...

Money

Money is never a fun subject.  I thought the family was doing okay with the bills until I heard the news about repaying student loans.  They are going to put a dent in our budget.  I decided to look for a job, but the ones in my field either don't pay enough to make it worth taking the job or they are too far away.  I guess I will have to start looking outside my field or find a way to cut stuff out.  I am doing what I can with groceries, but I know I can do better.  I haven't checked into daycare costs around here, but I am afraid to find out.  Oh well, I guess I am literally paying for my younger days of not caring about the future.

Hannah

Tomorrow Hannah will be 14 months old.  I can't believe how quickly time passes with a child.  It feels like she was just born and I was holding a newborn in my hands.  Now she is walking and talking.  In the last month she has picked up new words.  Shoes, Rowdy, Pepper are some new ones.  Her favorites are still ball, Mickey, Elmo, and daddy.  If she is hungry she will look at some food and say "mmm" to let us know she wants it.  If you tell her it is bath time she takes off down the hall while pulling up her shirt.  She can sort of say bath as well.  Same with a diaper change.  She will walk to her room to have her diaper changed.  If you tell her it is time to brush her teeth, she will start to brush them with her finger.  It is pretty cute.  She is also starting to point out things in books.  I asked her to point to the duck in a book and she did.  I then asked her to point to the duck's shoes, and she bent down to point to my shoes.  She is growing up so fast.  It feels like it is almost time to enroll her in school.

I still go back and forth about having a second child.  On the good days, it seems like the best idea in the world.  On Hannah's cranky and stubborn days, I can't imagine doing this all over again.  I have to remember the good outweighs the bad.

7 years

7 years ago today I lost my mom.  It is hard to believe it has been so long.  Life feels normal without her here, but it still feels like yesterday that I said goodbye.  I am sad that she will never know Hannah, and Hannah won't get to know her.  She loved her grandchildren, and I wish she had the opportunity to love this one as well. 

School

I think at the age of 31, I have finally decided what I would like to do with the rest of my life career wise.  I have my degree, but I could never pinpoint what I wanted to do in the field.  Of course I figure it out at the worst time.  To complete the degree I will need probably 2-3 years.  It may be a few years before I am living in a place long enough to complete it.  There is also no guarantee that the place I live will have a college with the degree.   There is one here, but I am afraid to start it if I don't know if I can finish it.  I guess I could start and just stay here to finish it if I have not completed it before E finishes his training.  There is also Hannah.  I am the primary care giver right now.  The degree requires clinicals.  I would have to find someone to watch her at possibly odd hours.  I am torn.  I do think it would be something I would enjoy, and the career is in such demand right now that I am pretty sure I could find a job wherever I end up living over the next 20 years.  However I chose to stay home right now so I wouldn't miss Hannah growing up.  Decisions decisions...

Age is Just a Number

I have been in Florida for about 3 weeks now.  It still doesn't feel like home.  I am learning my way around which does help.  I feel less like a tourist not needing the GPS so much.  I have met a few people as well.  They are very lovely women.  However, I realized that I am old.  I am older than most of the other spouses here.  The ones who are close to my age don't have children yet.  I do feel like an outsider.  I am the old one with a kid.  At least that is how I feel.  I want to get to know people and have a social life, but it is a bit more difficult when I am the only one with a child.  I know that it really doesn't make a difference, and it is all in my head.  I am sure in time I will make some friends and get out of the house once in a while.  It also doesn't help that I can be so reserved and quiet when I first meet people.  I think sometimes that does hinder friendships when I can't learn to relax.  I am working on it.  I stepped outside my comfort zone today and went to a meeting.  I had Hannah with me so I didn't get to interact much.  I had to make sure she wasn't tearing the room apart.  It is hard to carry on a conversation when you are chasing a child everywhere.