Life happens

I am battling my first bout of the flu for this year.  I am very grateful that this is the first time I have had it this year, but it came at a bad time.  Meeghan must be hitting her 4 month sleep regression or something because getting her to sleep at night sucks.  She refuses to lie down and sleep on her own.  She used to get drowsy, I would put her down, and she would drift off to sleep.  Not anymore.  Now I have to rock, bounce, and walk with her to get her to fall asleep.  Then if I try to lay her down she starts screaming like I am murdering her. And if I do manage to get her in her bed, she wakes up after 30-45 minutes. Her frequent wakings plus my flu means I have not been getting a lot of sleep.  That does not help my mood.  I have been such a crabby mom that I feel bad.  Hannah asked me if my fever was gone so I could play with her again.  That broke my heart.  I feel bad that I can't do what I normally do, and that my patience is thin.  Thank goodness it is the weekend so the husband can get up during the night with the baby.  I just hope I kick this bug soon so I feel like myself again.

One year

Via Google, I couldn't find my picture.

On year ago today I found out that my precious, little Meeghan had entered my life.  I was pretty sure I was pregnant, but since it was my first cycle after coming off of the Mirena I wasn't really sure when to test so I tested many times.  I am still in disbelief that it has been an entire year since the positive test.  In the last year we have lived in three different houses with another move looming in 4 months.  I was terrified to have a second because I wasn't sure I could handle two with a husband who isn't around much.  I am still terrified to have two, but I couldn't imagine my life without Meeghan.  

ER

I am pretty sure the insurance company must hate me by now.  Hannah made a trip to the ER last Wednesday night.  She fell off the slide and hurt her arm. At first we didn't think it was a big deal, but when she refused to play and asked to go home, I figured it was serious.  She always wants to play with her friends at the park.  After calling the after hours number to get our referral, we were off to the ER.  Thank goodness it wasn't busy like the last time I was there.  I had to take Meeghan as well since the husband was studying.  I felt silly trying to lug Meeghan in her car seat, help Hannah do everything, and trying to carry the diaper bag and my pumping bag.  After a few x-rays that scared the bejeezus out of Hannah, it was determined she may have a chip fracture.  She was given a splint and told to follow up with her doctor.  We didn't get home until after 11.  It was a very long night.  Luckily, during her follow up visit she was given the green light to use the arm again.  She thinks it was only a sprain.  I have a feeling Miss Hannah is going to be my accident prone child.

Waiting to see the doctor

Milestones

Today Hannah had her first day of preschool.  She said she loved it and wants to go back.  She didn't tell me much of what she did.  Her teachers were putting the full time kids down for a nap so I was unable to talk to them, but one did say Hannah had a great day.  I found dirt in her hair, and she confessed she threw wood chips on her head.  Sounds like Hannah.  She is ready to go back Friday.

She chose the Angry Birds lunch box

Getting ready to head inside

Also, this little cutie is 3 months old (as of last week, I am a bit late!)

She is trying to roll over.  I am not ready for her to be mobile, so she can wait a few more weeks. She does giggle, but only for Hannah.  I can get huge smiles out of her, but not really any giggles.  Hannah will get the biggest laughs out of her.  She already loves her big sister. It is pretty cute.  She recognizes her bottle, and gets pissed if you don't give it to her when she sees it.  It is crazy to think that in a few months she will be sitting up, and trying to figure out how to crawl.  

Crazy dog?

The last few days my dog Pepper has been acting odd.  She has been staring at the wall like there is something on it.  She will even jump on the wall like she is trying to get something.  She has done it in three different locations of the house.  Of course it always happens in the middle of the night.  She can't pull this crap during the day.  I have never found anything, but it makes me wonder what she sees or hears to be acting so nuts.  Last week I found a scorpion on the wall in my kitchen.  I have been freaked out since.  One night there was a huge rat on my patio.  After those two incidents, I am petrified about what could be lurking in my house driving Pepper crazy.  Rowdy doesn't seem to be too concerned about whatever it could be so I am hoping Pepper is just nutty.  I have to think that otherwise I would lie awake at night wondering what is crawling in the walls of my house.  Let's just say I am not all that thrilled with the insects and rodents of South Texas.

I am pretty sure I suck

With the husband back to work, I have been home alone all day.  Last time I was in this situation I only had one kid.  Now that I have two, I feel like a freaking basket case every day.  Between household chores, feeding Meeghan, pumping for Meeghan, and then my very difficult toddler I feel like the day is just nuts.  I have done a terrible job of balancing everything.  Some days I think it would be better for my sanity to find a job and put the kids in day care.  I am not sure I am meant to be a stay at home mom. It is at the point that some days I don't even want to be around Hannah.  I feel horrible for even writing that.  The days feel so long.  I am usually at my breaking point before lunch.  I wonder how other women do it and make it look so easy.  I know other women out there would give their left arm to be in my position which is why I feel like a spoiled brat for even talking about this.  I lost my patience so quickly that I end up saying things I don't mean.  Yesterday I tried to forget about all the housework I needed to do, and played with Hannah all morning. It made the day better, but by lunch she is in prime form.  Then I get a guilt trip when the husband is home because I am behind on laundry or haven't unpacked boxes.  It feels like I can't win no matter what I do. The lack of sleep due to pumping during the night isn't helping.  Meeghan sleeps through the night, but to keep my supply I am pumping every 3 hours even during the night.  I am at the point though where I want my life back and want to quit.  I am hoping I can hold out another 3 months to make my 6 month goal.

That leads me to my kids.  I can't believe that in 4 days my baby will be 3 months old. I have said it every month, but I can't believe how fast the time is going.  She is starting to talk to me and interact with us more.  She is even trying to play.  I am still waiting for those first baby giggles, but it seems like she is getting close.  Hannah is becoming difficult. I am not sure if it is the age or if this is her personality, but she is becoming defiant, stubborn, and bossy.  I know some is due to boredom. I am one person trying to be available to 5 people (if you include the husband and the dogs who are just as needy as the kids.  The dogs that is not the husband.)  Hannah has been asking to go to school so I have been researching preschools and mother's day out programs around here. I found one that seems promising.  I am going to check it out on Monday.  The biggest problem is money.  The budget is so tight already, but I will find a way to make it work because I think she needs it.  I just hope she is over that separation anxiety issue she had a few months ago. I have told her I can't stay with her at school and she said she understands. I know she wants to go so bad.  She stands at the window telling the school bus not to leave without her. That broke my heart so I will definitely find a way to get her into some sort of program.  I was going to do a little homeschooling session with her, but I think we would both benefit from a few hours apart during the week.  I am hoping between her time at school, and more sleep in my future, we will get back to the fun we used to have.

Lastly, I will leave you with a picture of the view of the bay from the guest room/office.  I had to steal it from the husband's phone since I haven't had a chance to take pictures yet.  I need to get one of the sunrise, but I usually try to sneak back to bed at that hour.