Guilty

I am just going to say it, and hope people don't think less of me.  Right now, I really dislike being a parent.  Some days I downright hate it.  Between becoming more pregnant every day, and Hannah deep in the terrible twos, I feel so unhappy.  I feel like I have completely lost control of my child, and I have no clue how to correct the situation.  I have tried different types of discipline, but nothing seems to be working.  On top of that, Hannah is still having bed time issues.  Luckily now she is only crying for a minute or two before she goes to bed, but if she wakes up during the night it is a process to get her back to sleep.  I spent two hours last night explaining to her why she couldn't sleep in my bed or in my room, and trying to figure out why she hated her room so much.  I would leave, and she would scream for 10 minutes.  I would go in to check on her.  Repeat for 2 hours.  Finally she fell asleep, and I felt so damn guilty that I made her cry herself to sleep but I am out of ideas.  I have tried letting her sleep on her Elmo couch downstairs, but it never works.  She wants to play, eat, or watch tv if she is downstairs.  The husband has asked that she not sleep in our bed, and I agree.  I can't have her sleep on the floor of our room during the week because I want my husband to get all the sleep he can so he doesn't crash his plane due to sleep deprivation.

I know we are both cooped up because of the heat.  I tried taking her to the playground today, and the heat index was already close to 100 at 9:30.  I could only handle about 20 minutes.  I am trying to find new, fun indoor activities for her to try.  Anybody have any good ideas?

My kid made me cry

Unfortunately it was out of frustration and not out of joy.  I took her with me to run errands so the husband could get some work done for his flight tonight.  This is our first full day home so I know she is still adjusting. She didn't get the best night of sleep because she kept waking up screaming.  I am sure she was confused because I know I was confused when I woke up.  I couldn't remember whose house I was in.  The first few stops went great, and then I took her to the dreaded Wal Mart to get groceries.  It was insane.  I tried to bribe her to sit in the cart with the iPad.  That worked for about 5 minutes before she was doing all she could to climb out.  So I let her walk and put the grocery items in the cart for me.  That worked for about 2 minutes because then she started wandering off.  Eventually it turned into a game of chase all over the grocery section.  I ended up leaving with only half my items and tears in my eyes.  I was so frustrated with her even though I know her acting out is a result of our trip.  She has been pretty nasty the last few hours, but thankfully she is napping.  I have no clue how to handle this age of 2.  I hope I figure it out soon.

Unpacked

I can say that 95% of the boxes that we kept in the house have been unpacked.  It is nice for this place to feel like home.  We downsized with this townhome so we had to rent a storage unit for some of our stuff.  I can't believe how much stuff we had, and how much we relied on a garage.  We did some purging while unpacking, and hopefully we can purge before we move again in 6-8 months.

I was worried about the dogs not having a yard, but they are doing great.  Only a few accidents.  We do have a tiny, fenced patio that we let them use in emergencies.  We put some astroturf down and that seems to be close enough to grass for them.  Otherwise, they are really good at letting us know or waiting for their walk every few hours.  Hannah loves having playgrounds and a pool within walking distance.  We won't be stuck in the house all day while my husband is at work.  The downside to this place is it is remote and small.  South Texas is so different than Florida.  It is in the 90s before noon, and it is so windy it is hard to walk some days.  I don't even want to know what July and August will be like if it is already so hot.  I definitely don't want to see my electric bill.  I do miss all the activities Pensacola had to offer.  I hear the MWR has a lot of stuff to do, and I am hoping that is true.  And if we get desperate enough to do something, Corpus Christi is only 45 minutes away with Padre Island only about an hour.  San Antonio is only 3 hours away, and I can't wait to take  a weekend trip there.  I really am going to try to make the most of my time in this tiny Texas town.  I have met some nice people, and I know that does make a difference.

In completely unrelated news, in one month Hannah turns 2.  I can't believe how fast time is flying.  The terrible twos are definitely here.  I am not sure what happened to my sweet baby, but this pushy, bossy toddler can change back to a sweet kid any day now.  She drives me absolutely bonkers some days.

The terrible twos?

Today Hannah and I went to Target to kill some time before heading to a playgroup.  I let her walk around to get rid of some energy while I browsed the $1 section.  She is obsessed with the big, red balls outside of Target.  She wanted to keep touching them even though I let her touch them on the way in.  She was also tired since she was woken up early to take the husband to work so she and I could have the car.  I found a few Elmo and Abby plates, bowls, and cups for her.  She wanted to run out the doors to the red balls while still holding the cups.  I told her we could not do that since it is stealing, but of course she doesn't understand.  She threw herself down on the ground right in front of the doors and screamed.  I used to do whatever I could to appease her in public to avoid the tantrums, but I realized I am just making it worse so I decided to let her throw a fit in front of everyone.  I received a few dirty looks, and a few looks of pity, but I didn't care.  She cried almost the entire 20 minutes we were in the store.  As we stood in line to buy our items, she screamed because I wouldn't let her hold the cups.  She kept slamming her head into mine.  Finally we were checking out, and the cashier was so nice.  She bagged all of Hannah's stuff into one bag and handed it to her while putting the rest into a separate bag.  I didn't even ask her to do it!  I thanked her for doing that so Hannah could carry her stuff like she wanted.  She said she had a brother that threw tantrums all the time so she was used to it. I am sure the people of Target were happy to see us leave.

I was hoping Hannah wouldn't inherit my stubborn gene, but I am realizing she did.  I have been told to give her two options I am okay with to curb the tantrums, but what do you do when your kid always picks secret option #3 which is whatever she wants.  I can't stay locked up in the house all the time.  I want her to learn how to properly behave in social situations.  I guess I will have many months of standing in the aisle watching my kid scream and roll on the ground.