The highs and lows of July

For me, July is a tough month to handle.  There are so many events, both good and bad, that stay with me all month long. I will start with the good.

9 years ago, my friends and I thought it would be fun to sign up for an online dating site. I really didn't think much would come of it, and we really just wanted to see what it was like. Late January I receive an email from a kid (okay he was 21 at the time, but that was young to me) who was deployed to Iraq. The email was witty enough to interest me, but I figured he was too young and he was deployed. I decided to keep exchanging emails just to see where it all went. Fast forward to July, and the emails have now evolved to instant messages (it was 2005) and phone calls. This young soldier was coming back to Kansas City on leave, and so we decide to meet. Imagine my surprise when I find myself on a first date with this guy after talking with him for months. I never thought it would lead to a date, and then a second date, and eventually a relationship. Neither one of us remembers the actual date of the first date, but we do know it was late July. 9 years ago this month, I went on my first date with E. It was to an amusement park and I almost threw up on him thanks to motion sickness. We were able to squeeze in 4 dates before he left again for Iraq. 2 months later he was home for good, and I knew he was pretty important when I found myself leaving for Ft. Riley late at night to bring him back to KC. Here is the first picture we took together:

We were so young! 

The low is one that is still difficult to handle. 10 years ago this month, on the 18th, I lost my mom. Even after 10 years I still struggle with the fact that she is gone especially now that I have kids. Hannah has started asking about my mom, and why she died. It is hard to explain to a 4 year old that she had a drinking problem, and her liver gave out. I never expected to say goodbye to my mom at the age of 24. It all happened so fast that I never had time to process it. I think she knew she was sick, but she didn't tell any of us until it was too late. It was about 6 weeks from the time we found out her liver wasn't functioning properly to her death. I can still put myself back in that hospital listening to the doctor talk about DNRs and life support. She was on the transplant list, but she was an alcoholic so she was low on the list and she had to be dry for 6 months. She never made it 6 months. I miss her every day. Unfortunately, I don't have a good picture of her. She hated to have her picture taken, and the good ones are at my dad's since most were taken before digital cameras were used. 

July is always an emotional month for me. So many good memories mixed in with so many bad memories.