7 years

7 years ago today I lost my mom.  It is hard to believe it has been so long.  Life feels normal without her here, but it still feels like yesterday that I said goodbye.  I am sad that she will never know Hannah, and Hannah won't get to know her.  She loved her grandchildren, and I wish she had the opportunity to love this one as well. 

School

I think at the age of 31, I have finally decided what I would like to do with the rest of my life career wise.  I have my degree, but I could never pinpoint what I wanted to do in the field.  Of course I figure it out at the worst time.  To complete the degree I will need probably 2-3 years.  It may be a few years before I am living in a place long enough to complete it.  There is also no guarantee that the place I live will have a college with the degree.   There is one here, but I am afraid to start it if I don't know if I can finish it.  I guess I could start and just stay here to finish it if I have not completed it before E finishes his training.  There is also Hannah.  I am the primary care giver right now.  The degree requires clinicals.  I would have to find someone to watch her at possibly odd hours.  I am torn.  I do think it would be something I would enjoy, and the career is in such demand right now that I am pretty sure I could find a job wherever I end up living over the next 20 years.  However I chose to stay home right now so I wouldn't miss Hannah growing up.  Decisions decisions...

Age is Just a Number

I have been in Florida for about 3 weeks now.  It still doesn't feel like home.  I am learning my way around which does help.  I feel less like a tourist not needing the GPS so much.  I have met a few people as well.  They are very lovely women.  However, I realized that I am old.  I am older than most of the other spouses here.  The ones who are close to my age don't have children yet.  I do feel like an outsider.  I am the old one with a kid.  At least that is how I feel.  I want to get to know people and have a social life, but it is a bit more difficult when I am the only one with a child.  I know that it really doesn't make a difference, and it is all in my head.  I am sure in time I will make some friends and get out of the house once in a while.  It also doesn't help that I can be so reserved and quiet when I first meet people.  I think sometimes that does hinder friendships when I can't learn to relax.  I am working on it.  I stepped outside my comfort zone today and went to a meeting.  I had Hannah with me so I didn't get to interact much.  I had to make sure she wasn't tearing the room apart.  It is hard to carry on a conversation when you are chasing a child everywhere. 

Settling In

I have been in Florida for 3 weeks now, and it still doesn't feel like home yet.  I haven't been out much except to run errands so I guess I only have myself to blame.  Most of the boxes are unpacked which is nice.  I am trying to finish a few projects I wanted to finish before I moved.  Hannah does not make it easy.  She has decided that waking up around 5:30 is great which means no free time for me.  I am lucky if she naps for 45 minutes on her own.  It does get frustrating, but I hope it is just a phase.  She is still waking up a few times a night.  I miss the days when she slept for 12 straight hours. 

The area is pretty nice.  Some parts of it do remind me of central Kansas.  There is a country feel to it so it is not complete culture shock.  I live out in the country so it is a 15 to 20 minute drive into the neighboring towns to run errands which is different than before.  It was a 5 minute drive to get where I needed to be.  Now it takes a little longer and it feels like everything is so far away.  In reality it isn't.  I know when I lived in KC, I drove 30 minutes to visit people and didn't think anything of it.  Now I have to drive for 15 minutes to get to the store and I think it takes forever.  I guess I became "small town".  Eventually I will make it around the area to see some of the sights.  At least the dogs are enjoying the new place.  They spend most of the morning outside.  This yard has trees and they love that.  Shade plus squirrels make them very  happy.  I think the plan is to take them to a dog beach one day.  

I have not taken one picture since I have arrived.  I will take some soon and post them here.  Hannah already has a tan line even with SPF 50 sunscreen slathered on her.  I think she likes the pool.  It took her a few minutes to warm up to it.  She didn't like the Gulf, but she did like the sand.  She started digging in it and then eating it.  Next time I will have to take her bucket and shovel so she can play.