4 weeks!

4 weeks until the winging!  I am so excited that we are closing in on winging day.  It is starting to feel real.  I am starting our moving preparations since the time around the winging will be crazy.  My husband has worked his ass off for the last 2 years to earn those wings.  He should complete next week which means he will finally finish his training as a student.

The downside to winging is saying goodbye.  One friend left today, and I had to say goodbye last night.  I was shocked by how emotional I became.  I had to hold in my tears while driving home.  She lived next door to me in Kingsville, and she was here in Corpus Christi as well.  She treated my kids like they were her own.  If the husband hadn't switched pipelines, we would be in Virginia together as well.  I told her that if I end up in Jacksonville I can hop in the car and drive up the coast to visit.  She was one of the few people I felt like I could call a friend.

6 months!

This sweet baby turned 6 months old last week.  

Meeghan is now 6 months old.  So crazy!  She went to the doctor Monday.  She is 15lbs 6oz and 25 inches long.  Her head is only at the 4th percentile, but I have a small head so I am not too concerned.   I can wear hats made for babies.  She has hit all her milestones, and the doctor thought she would be an early walker.  I tried giving her sweet potatoes and she gagged.  I don't think she is quite ready for solids yet, but she knows how to use a sippy cup already.  She is pushing up on all fours so crawling is just around the corner.  I know the next few months will bring mobility and talking.  I can't wait to see what kind of toddler she is going to be.  She already lets you know when she is not happy about losing her toy.  She loves to blow raspberries and she loves when people sing.  Her favorite toys though are her sister and the dogs.  

I love this face!

The good and the bad

This week I should be at home visiting family and friends, but instead I am stuck in Texas.  With another move looming, and a winging we have to pay for, it seemed like a better idea to stay here than spend the money to get back to KC.  My family is talking about this weekend and how excited they are to see each other. All I want to do is cry.  I haven't seen my family in a year. Nobody has met Meeghan yet.  I won't get to meet the other new babies in my family.  I have no clue when I will.  We are thinking about going back at Thanksgiving, but I don't know if it will happen.  I can feel the bitterness and resentment building inside of me.  There are definite pros and cons to being married to a military member.  This is a big con for me. I miss my family.  I miss my friends.

In order to take my mind off missing my family (or in fact this could make it worse), I have started planning a vacation for next summer.  I have wanted my best friend (more like a sister) to visit since I moved, but she has been unable.  I was talking to her the other day and said we just need to do it. We need to say a year from now we will go on vacation together.  So we are.  She has a daughter who is 4 months older than Hannah, so we have decided to go to Disney World next summer.  She is a teacher so summer is the best time for her to go.  We both have been pretty excited talking about where to stay and what the girls can do together.  The only flaw in this plan is again the Navy.  If the husband doesn't get the plane he wants, we could be in Hawaii by this time next year.  That would suck trying to get back to Florida.  Right now I am under the assumption that he will get the plane he wants and we will be in Jacksonville for a few years.  I guess we will find out in a few weeks!

Big Day

Yesterday was a big one for my family.  First, Miss Hannah turned 3. 3!  I can't believe I have a 3 year old.  We celebrated on Saturday with a party with the few people we know here.  She loved it.  Then yesterday she requested pancakes and bacon for dinner. I dyed the pancakes pink since that is her favorite color now. She had a pretty good day.

Decorating sugar cookies while waiting for dinner

Doc McStuffins doctor's bag from Papa

Second, the husband was commissioned into the Navy 2 years ago which meant it was promotion day!  He had a little ceremony with the Skipper, and he is now LTJG Husband.  

Hannah enjoying her new sunglasses on her birthday

Family picture after the ceremony

Anxiety

I have been battling with what I believe to be postpartum anxiety (which I never knew existed until I was reading about postpartum depression.)  I was never really anxious about odd stuff like I am now.  Social situations scare the crap out of me. Driving over a bridge? Scares me as well.  Ants eating my kids while they are asleep? You better believe it keeps me awake at night.  I had issues with this starting after Hannah was born, but now it seems much worse than before Meeghan was born.  We had ants coming out of an electrical outlet in our master bedroom last night and I freaked out.  The husband killed them all, and he made me look at it.  I cried.  I started full on crying and I had to run out of the room.  I couldn't sleep in the room.  I slept on the couch.  I made Meeghan sleep in the pack and play in the living room because I didn't want them to come out of the wall in the closet.  (She sleeps in our master bedroom closet.  It is a big closet!) Today I bought all the ant poison I could find to kill the little bastards before they come in my house again. I am lucky enough to be invited to a Wednesday Wine group every week.  Although I always want to go out with other adults, when Wednesday arrives I start to feel sick at the thought of leaving the house to socialize.  I am afraid to leave my kids. I am afraid to go into a social group and try to act normal.  I am not a fancy person so I am never dressed up like the other which makes me feel insecure.  I feel like everything I say is dumb.  I feel like they don't like me. I used to be confident.  I used to not care if someone liked me. Now it feels like I don't even know myself anymore.  My husband wants me to get a job when we move to Jacksonville, and the thought of leaving Meeghan at a day care frightens me.  I can't even imagine letting someone take care of her for that long every day.  With Hannah it is easier since she is older and can communicate with me about her day.  I should probably stop reading about horrible day care centers.  Basically, I don't really recognize myself any more.  I am sure I could benefit from some therapy, but at the moment it isn't affordable and we are moving in 8 weeks.  I keep telling myself that a change of scenery will be good for me.  I haven't really enjoyed South Texas.  I hope a new location will help tremendously.

Kids

I don't have a real post for you today.  It is mostly just a collection of random thoughts about the two girls that take up most of my time these days.

• I am pretty sure Hannah is jealous of Meeghan. She has pulled a few stunts that lead me to think she isn't too thrilled that she has a sister.
• Meeghan will only poop during car rides.  For the last week, Meeghan has taken it upon herself to crap her pants in the car.  We may only be in the car for 5 minutes, and it is in those 5 minutes she chooses to poop.  It was cute at first, but now it is becoming annoying.
• Hannah had her first music program at school.  She loved it!
• I am ashamed to admit that I placed an ad to sell breast milk.  In the future I will donate, but right now we need the money.  We are still waiting on our reimbursement for our move.  We are facing another move in 2 months, and I am trying to find a way to get back to KC next month for my family reunion.
• Speaking of my family reunion, my family  has 4 new babies.  The oldest was born in September and the youngest was born last week.  I really want to make it home so Meeghan can meet her new cousins.  One is only 2 weeks younger than her.  The other 3 babies were all born to sisters (cousins of mine) which means my aunt and uncle gained 3 new grandbabies in a matter of 8 months plus one new great niece.  I need to see all these babies!

It's been awhile

I know I have been gone awhile.  What can I say? I haven't learned to balance life with two kids yet.  I am trying, but things that don't involve children and housework have been shoved to the side lately.  I wanted to hop on quickly to show off this cutie.  Meeghan is 5 months old today.  I am guessing she is 14 pounds and 23 or so inches.  She has huge feet.  I put her in 6-9 month pajamas and her feet are busting out of them.  She can still wear 3-6 onesies, but she needs 6-9 pants.  She must have a short torso and long legs.  She can sit unassisted for a bit, not too long, but she can sit assisted.  She is pushing up on her arms and trying to push up on her knees.  She will be crawling before I know it!  Her sleep sucks lately, but I hope it is due to her cold.  She has started rolling over in her sleep and I think it pisses her off that she ends up on her stomach.  She also likes to sleep with her face buried into the mattress so I spend half the night trying to turn her head the side.  I think most of the time she is resting her head on her hands so there is a bit of space, but it still freaks me out.  I know she is strong enough to turn her head to breathe, but I still worry.  Here are a few pictures of her taken yesterday.